Assistance Please?

Actually, this isn't a call for assistance, because I have some truly amazing people helping, assisting, collaborating and otherwise being supportive to me on my thesis project. I've got around 7-8 people (in addition to Emmy of course) playing major roles in this project right now, which isn't so strange within the worlds of film and theater, but is perhaps less seen among those I lovingly refer to as "the art kid crowd."

These are people whose work is seen in galleries and museums and such. They are known for their individualism and singular work ethic and unique vision... Though plenty of them have artists assistants who do much of their actual grunt work and get no practical credit. Perhaps the film and theater worlds are more pragmatic and democratic in their recognition that there are craftspeople who do much of their "work" for them, and that those people deserve recognition, training and union benefits.

For me, having people helping me with my project who are competent, smart and willing to put in plenty of work on my behalf is daunting, but also forces me to work harder at making my project worthwhile, and at making the process as smooth, equitable and fun as possible.

I wonder what that will mean for my future in "the art world" vs. "the film world" vs. "the theater world." I wonder if it matters.

Work Ethics

Today I spent several hours in the recording studio at school creating some very crucial sound for my project with the help of two very smart and competent sound producers. We worked hard and well on about 8 pages of text and 1 song, all of which came out beautifully I think.

I really pride myself on having calm and reasonable shooting/creating schedules, especially when I'm working with other people. I've started to think of this as my work ethic. It isn't that I don't work hard. In fact, I generally spend many hours ahead of my shooting preparing so that I can feel confident and prepared for the work. I then make sure to overbook our time. That is to say, I know that we probably could have done those recordings in fewer hours, or that we could have recorded more, but that would have felt rushed and insane instead of calm and fun.

I feel strongly about this ethic because I think that it respects the people who help me, and it respects my values as a person living in the world.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that I don't believe strongly in the work and it making it come out right. I slog away and certainly harbor perfectionist tendencies. I just also believe that good work is as much in the process as in the product.

In fact, I know that in my own work, things that took hours and hours of backbreaking, frightened, upsetting labor don't look or feel as good as things that came through organization, competency, and the ability to create a fun atmosphere for everyone involved. I also know how much I hate working with or for people who don't treat their collaborative work in the same way, even though there are so many people who believe that a beautiful outcome is worth suffering for. Don't artist suffer enough just with self doubt, and brokeness and frustration and fear of not being accepted? If we aren't really enjoying what we do, what the hell is the point?

Goals for the Weekend...

My hope and dream for this stage of Mary and Sarah and You and Me: Make it fun again!

Lately I've been really bound up with the less fun aspects of trying to make a large scale project happen, but I'm hoping to let go of some of that this weekend by a) seeing my project partner Emmy, who always has such good, fun energy b) finding assistance with some of the technical aspects of the work and most importantly c) finding assistance with the logistical aspects of the work.

It has finally become totally clear to me that I'm working on something akin to a small scale theatrical production which means that I need someone to act as a Production/Stage Manager whose job it is to take the logistics out of my hands. I think I've found that person, pending scheduling issues. If that turns out to be the case, it will become her responsibility to make schedules, attend to budgets, and yell at people who aren't doing their jobs.

Let's all pray to the scheduling gods that this will turn out well.

And let's all pray to the recording studio gods that the audio session that I have scheduled for tomorrow afternoon goes smooth as butter.

Onward!

Crisis Temporarily Averted/Artists are their own worst enemies

I believe that the self doubt was brought about by heat and time crunches and watching other projects go on about me. At first I thought I was jealous of the size/scope/progress of my fellow film students projects, until I realized that it was actually empathy. My friends/colleagues are in exactly the same boat as me: We are young, ambitious, hard working, broke and want to do the best that we can in the best ways that we know how. As a result we cycle through varying cycles of self doubt, fear, shame, exuberance, ego, exhiliration, frustration, etc. Perhaps this is true of anyone excited about their avocation? I would imagine so.

Mostly what seems to be true is the fact that I have made a minor breakthrough with my project, and that it is becoming clearer and more fully fledged all the time. I am also learning, growing, reaping new benefits, and generally coming to appreciate that I'm willing to dedicate all of this time, energy, money and spirit to my work.

Here, in case you are interested, is a little piece of video from the work. It is part of a video installation that will be a section of the final product. It is very rough, and not quite finished, but I'm excited about the looks of it.

When help is needed, whom do you call?

Aha, so it seems that I am trying, once again, to manage a great big confusing project all by myself, and I need the help of a producer to help me get the job done. However, I don't have one, and I don't know how to get one, and it is way too late to make this happen because I'm so overwhelmed with the details at this point.

Why, oh why am I always in this situation...

Arg.

The ways that I procrastinate

I'm thinking that if I ponder (and perhaps share) the ways that I procrastinate away from doing my work, I might figure out how to stop procrastinating. Or perhaps figure out what it is about these activities that is important to me, and maybe learn how to incorporate them into my art practice.

I clean my house (though not all that well)
I play various silly simulation style video games
I watch episodes of The Wire on DVD
I watch episodes of Battlestar Gallactica on the internet
I read other people's blogs
I shop
I bake

What can we learn from these things? That I'm a suburban housewife? A 12 year old boy?

Yes and Yes, in various ways.

I think that it also means that a) I'm obsessed with screens, addicted really. Dernit all to hell, they are just so mesmerizing. b) I like stories that are about race and subjugation and despair. But laced with humor and queer sexuality. Well, duh. c) I like to play house.

Well, tune in next time when I figure out how to turn this all into productivity.

Inspirations and Life and Work and Everything

Aha!
I've decided to take up the mantle of actually using this blog to document my attempts at being a really real grown up artist type on her way to finishing her MFA and trying to make art and teaching my career. This isn't an easy endeavor, but perhaps this attempt at paying attention to the process, tracking myself and my endeavors here will help it all feel more real.

I'll start, I suppose, with the project that I am most directly involved with at the moment, and then go from there. The next few posts will be dedicated to describing it in detail and trying to get myself closer to being able to describe it in the context of my education, my life, and my beliefs.

Here's a basic description of the projection from my website.
It is called:
Mary and Sarah and You and Me